Feelings and Other Nightmares

Just before you settle yourself with a nice glass of scotch, because, lets be honest, that’s the only way people can handle reading my posts, and get ready to ho-hum your way though another one of my amusingly depressing posts, I have to say: It’s about to get uncomfortable in here.

That’s right people, the girl who’s main thought on discussing ‘feelings’ hovers somewhere between squeamishly uncomfortable and downright eye-socket-tearingly awful, is about to do just that. Not tear eye sockets, talk about feelings. Well briefly note on the horrid idea that I do indeed have these stupid human emotions that mean I feel stuff. Unfortunately.

I suppose the want to extract my innards with a pickax when dealing with the public is technically a feeling. But you’re about to see what I mean. People, I’m about to mention my boyfriend.

Cringe, I know.

See me and my boyfriend fight. A lot, the reason is because we have ‘creative differences’ I have all these opinions of things and he is wrong.

Well that sums it up pretty much, but here is all you, and I, need to know about my boyfriend:

He loves me, and this sometimes squashes that ‘the world is an abysmal place filled with things that want me to take a rusty spork to my jugular’ feeling

Now that may not seem like the greatest achievement known to man, but in my books, he ain’t half bad.

Unlike my English skills witch are that half bad*

Now you may have gotten to this part of the post and are wondering ‘Yes, great thanks, but why bring this up you useless humanoid?’ – by the by i assume my readers are all not of the humanoid species and therefore have no concept of the ‘like’ and ‘follow’ buttons, so while I appreciate my human readers I do have to cater to a wider audience

So, to point, the reason for this post is because I got into a fight with my boyfriend, over not waiting to get into a fight. Hopeless isn’t it. And its not one of those cute fights like ‘you hang up first’ ‘no you’ ‘no you’. Which, by the way, we do not have. If ‘The Boyfriend’ ever tells me to hang up I’m gone, sometimes sooner much to his annoyance. So yeah. we’re fighting and I’m too proud (not to mention right) to text or call him and fix the situation, so I have to do this whole blog (even though he’ll never read it because I refuse to tell him my blog address) just to remind myself why I shouldn’t break up with him, and the worst part is he thinks this is just a fight that’ll blow over. He never guesses how close I come to leaving every time he does something that hurts me. Well that’s a melodramatically depressing ending, I think I feel a real blog post coming on.
*Yes. that is on purpose, even the ‘witch’ ok? I’m not that stupid.

PS Sorry for the long post!

Forever yours,

At least for the moment

x

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The Epidemy of Epidemy… and Stupidness

Do you know what its like to be miserable? Truly utterly miserable. Like even though you are in the middle of a public place you just want to cry in a corner and have every single person in the entire wold just go jump off a fucking cliff.

I’m not talking about miserable in the ‘upset’ sense. Like in a passing, if a loved one passes away, that’s distraught. I’m talking miserable. Like huge cloud is hanging over your head waiting for something good to happen so it can soak up all your happiness and take it away, because fuck you.

Well thanks.

If you’ve read some of my posts today you may think me Bi-Polar. I was ‘happy’ before. I may have even used the word ‘Elated’ in a post. Premature friends. you know me. I’m back in all my impressively and extensively depressing ways hating on the universe again for making me exist. Hey. Come pity me because i have to put up with the scum of the earth and smile while i do it.

You know what the worst part about being miserable is? like there’s a worst part but whatever. Society doesn’t accept it. Apparently, no, I’m not allowed to have a huge mental breakdown wherever i may be when I realise that life actually is an abysmal pit of horror and unending trivialities.

WHY CANT I JUST WALLOW IN THE NEVER-ENDING OBLIVION THAT IS MY BLACKED HEART?!

Why does the world insist I continue with this charade of happiness and ‘togetherness’

I don’t want to. I want to sulk and be a little girl and not go to work and not pay bills and just NOT. I hate it I hate it all wahh whine whinge.

Aren’t I just the epitome of everything wonderful?

 

Forever yours,

At least for the moment
x