Eulogy for the Forgotten

The following was spoken at the funeral of 2 homeless men. None who attended knew them, when I heard the words I thought how perfect, how poignant, how strong. They were buried with dignity.

“We never met you; never looked into your eyes, shook your hand, smiled, laughed or cried with you. We never knew you … but we know you,” Mr Gerhard said at the service.

“We know that you once laughed, dreamt, hoped and sought love. We know that you felt success and achievement, loss and failure. We know that you were hurt and that you probably hurt others on occasion as well.”

“You probably loved ice cream and hated vegetables. Enjoyed a beer or two, a chat, a good yarn and a joke.

“We hope that in your life you were loved by someone special to you. That you were held, shown off and boasted about by proud parents or grandparents. We hope that a wounded knee or heart was met with love, care, hugs and understanding. We hope that you found true love and were truly loved in return.

“Whatever the specifics of your lives which we do not know, we know you. You are us and we are you. Our humanity has bound us from time immemorial and will bind us forever more; in pain, in suffering, in hope, in love in truth and in life.”

(source ninemsn)


Foursquare: The Future of Personal Advertising

Advertising has always tried to be on the forefront of technology and with the advent of the internet a whole new way of advertising was opened up. I don’t think people fully realised what ‘the internet’ would enable us to do. 

Companies are just starting to break into the exciting world of Social Media, the idea of projecting your message, high reach, to an audience that wants to hear your message, is an amazing development for advertisers and companies. It is beginning to eliminate what I am coining ‘media wastage’, where a company pushes their message to a disinterested clients. Like it or not, your product is not right for everybody. This means that some of your Advertising and marketing budget is being spent without a prospect for increased revenue. The way to increase revenue, and media reach, is to target your message and product to an interested market. By having a strong social media presence, prospective consumers find, ‘like’ and become subscribers to your message. These are the consumers that are not only willing to hear you message, they are willing to promote that fact.

Word of mouth advertising is still the strongest, and most trusted, form of advertising. If your best friend says her hair actually sprouts unicorns once a month because, and only because, she uses shampoo Brand A, then your are likely to at least trial Shampoo Brand A. Social media enable a large word of mouth audience for companies that don’t want to spend their whole marketing budget on spreading a message. 

This is where I want to introduce the GPS style social media site Foursquare. Also notably, Yelp and GooglePlaces do similar things, but it is the trends in the US that are making it obvious that FourSqauare is the next big thing for advertising. 

What is Foursquare?

Well you can go check it out online but in brief, it is a social GPS site. Almost exclusively used on mobiles, think of the ‘check-in’ feature of Facebook, but with the added bonus of an company experience. I almost insist you check it out.

Why is it going to change advertising?

Imagine its a hot day at Bondi beach, you’re strolling along the sidewalk, and you really want an ice cream. Jump onto foursquare and search ice cream shops near you. You can read reviews, see who else has been there and get special, personal, one-time or ongoing offers.

Thats from a consumers view, throw that into a companies view and you get a site where someone is looking for what you can give them. They aren’t at home, weighing up the options, considering buying in 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 years, they are wanting your product now. And there you are. Beautifully presented to them on a silver platter, and say you have an excess of mango flavoured ice cream, well come in now, buy a one scoop ice cream cone and we will plop on an extra mango scoop at half price, just for coming in. That is the beauty of foursquare.

Free set of steak knives

Thats right, theres more. Foursquare, like the check-in feature of Facebook, tells your friends you were there, so check in grab your ice cream, tell you mates and increase word of mouth advertising and brand awareness all by clicking the simple ‘sign up’ button on their homepage. It the equivalent to having a yellow pages ad 15 years ago, it puts you on the map, the digital, fully mobile, map.


The Future part

So this is all happening now, all around the world, what next? Well the GPS locating technology is starting to enable extremely personal sales. So with this new frontier in advertising a person can be in the vicinity of your store and you can send them a personalised message direct to their device saying, hi, come in. They don’t even have to search you. You can use this technology to turn Jane and John Doe into potential clients. Personalising the experience and giving them products and offers that they can use, right now. The way the world is going, everything is going to be ‘on demand’ so to make sure you are reaching all potential clients at those crucial impulsive minutes you need to be updating your social media presence constantly. You’ve already done the hard yards coming up with a company, an idea, service or product, the easy part is getting your message out there. 

Dear Depression

Dear Depression,

Good morning, oh you’re not up yet? I’ll come back later then.




Ok, I can’t wait for you anymore. You know, out there, life is going on. Look. Just untangle your gangly limbs from the stale bedsheets and glimpse out that grotty window. See that? There’s a light out there depression. Stop closing the drapes on me. I want that light. And you won’t let me out.

Where’s the key? I want out. The walls are too close in here, and that ceiling’s too low. Your making me claustrophobic. I want out.

I’m sick of you never wanting to get up. And have you seen the sink? The dishes need washing. The clothes need hanging up. Food needs cooking. Things need to be done! But you wallow here in your squalor whining about how life is too difficult for you.

Suit up. Wash that strawy, oily, knotted up hair, think about the idea if shaving, and open a god damn window. You’ve been hiding under those blankets for too long.

You know what the worst thing is? I’m better than this. You’re like dragging around a twenty pound weight on my chest and a fire cracker in my brain.

It’s time now. Please. I need to find happy again. You chased him away. I know you fight with him all the time, but you’re not good for me. You’re the ice cream in my freezer, the pizza boxes in my recycling, the cigarettes in my pocket. You’re ever-present and ever-annoying. I don’t want you anymore.

I don’t know how to get rid of you. You’re like a virus my body can’t fix. Your the anti-healthy the anti-happy and the anti-me.


Leave, now, and please, never come back.


Don’t shudder and crawl down in your cosy little hole. That’s pathetic. Stop being so pathetic and childish and look at how you’re affecting the friends, the family and me. You’re a useless rotten piece of junk.

Tell me. Tell me what to do to get rid of you and I’ll do it.











I’ll do whatever it takes…..





Forever yours,
At least for the moment.

This post is in response to Daily Prompt’s Challenge which, if you’re interested you can read here! I suggest following them, becasue they give GREAT ideas to blog on. Till next time,

Feelings and Other Nightmares

Just before you settle yourself with a nice glass of scotch, because, lets be honest, that’s the only way people can handle reading my posts, and get ready to ho-hum your way though another one of my amusingly depressing posts, I have to say: It’s about to get uncomfortable in here.

That’s right people, the girl who’s main thought on discussing ‘feelings’ hovers somewhere between squeamishly uncomfortable and downright eye-socket-tearingly awful, is about to do just that. Not tear eye sockets, talk about feelings. Well briefly note on the horrid idea that I do indeed have these stupid human emotions that mean I feel stuff. Unfortunately.

I suppose the want to extract my innards with a pickax when dealing with the public is technically a feeling. But you’re about to see what I mean. People, I’m about to mention my boyfriend.

Cringe, I know.

See me and my boyfriend fight. A lot, the reason is because we have ‘creative differences’ I have all these opinions of things and he is wrong.

Well that sums it up pretty much, but here is all you, and I, need to know about my boyfriend:

He loves me, and this sometimes squashes that ‘the world is an abysmal place filled with things that want me to take a rusty spork to my jugular’ feeling

Now that may not seem like the greatest achievement known to man, but in my books, he ain’t half bad.

Unlike my English skills witch are that half bad*

Now you may have gotten to this part of the post and are wondering ‘Yes, great thanks, but why bring this up you useless humanoid?’ – by the by i assume my readers are all not of the humanoid species and therefore have no concept of the ‘like’ and ‘follow’ buttons, so while I appreciate my human readers I do have to cater to a wider audience

So, to point, the reason for this post is because I got into a fight with my boyfriend, over not waiting to get into a fight. Hopeless isn’t it. And its not one of those cute fights like ‘you hang up first’ ‘no you’ ‘no you’. Which, by the way, we do not have. If ‘The Boyfriend’ ever tells me to hang up I’m gone, sometimes sooner much to his annoyance. So yeah. we’re fighting and I’m too proud (not to mention right) to text or call him and fix the situation, so I have to do this whole blog (even though he’ll never read it because I refuse to tell him my blog address) just to remind myself why I shouldn’t break up with him, and the worst part is he thinks this is just a fight that’ll blow over. He never guesses how close I come to leaving every time he does something that hurts me. Well that’s a melodramatically depressing ending, I think I feel a real blog post coming on.
*Yes. that is on purpose, even the ‘witch’ ok? I’m not that stupid.

PS Sorry for the long post!

Forever yours,

At least for the moment


The Epidemy of Epidemy… and Stupidness

Do you know what its like to be miserable? Truly utterly miserable. Like even though you are in the middle of a public place you just want to cry in a corner and have every single person in the entire wold just go jump off a fucking cliff.

I’m not talking about miserable in the ‘upset’ sense. Like in a passing, if a loved one passes away, that’s distraught. I’m talking miserable. Like huge cloud is hanging over your head waiting for something good to happen so it can soak up all your happiness and take it away, because fuck you.

Well thanks.

If you’ve read some of my posts today you may think me Bi-Polar. I was ‘happy’ before. I may have even used the word ‘Elated’ in a post. Premature friends. you know me. I’m back in all my impressively and extensively depressing ways hating on the universe again for making me exist. Hey. Come pity me because i have to put up with the scum of the earth and smile while i do it.

You know what the worst part about being miserable is? like there’s a worst part but whatever. Society doesn’t accept it. Apparently, no, I’m not allowed to have a huge mental breakdown wherever i may be when I realise that life actually is an abysmal pit of horror and unending trivialities.


Why does the world insist I continue with this charade of happiness and ‘togetherness’

I don’t want to. I want to sulk and be a little girl and not go to work and not pay bills and just NOT. I hate it I hate it all wahh whine whinge.

Aren’t I just the epitome of everything wonderful?


Forever yours,

At least for the moment

Testing My Amazing Talents

So I was indulging in a little time reading ‘Freshly Pressed’ You know what I’m talking about. See I call it indulging because for some reason (It could be my arrogantly hipster Melbourne roots) I enjoy reading blogs that are far less mainstream. It hurts I know. I don’t do these things on purpose, trust me. I’m not trying to be hipster, i just, gah! whatever. Hate me. even more because to prove I’m not ‘hipster’ I like One Direction* yes the ‘band’, hate me even more. But I’m tangent-ing.

Oh you don’t even know how great of a segway that is. This post is about a new way for me to tangent. Get excited people. Tangents rock. And now i can organise my tangents in these cool little ‘pages’ tabs down the bottom. Yay funess. Isn’t it great how my normally depressing demeanor is completely eradicated when there’s something new and fun to play with. Get me a puppy!

Sorry. So yes. Tangents.* Oh speaking of tangents (moment to love that segway) i was saying earlier how i indulged in Freshly Pressed, the reasoning will be on a following page. If it works. I realise that this post is incredibly indulgent but hey, that’s your fault for reading a blog entitled My amazing talents. So you sort of set yourself up for that didn’t you. Well Done.

So yeah… I cant label the pages yet, cause contrary to popular belief I did not study at the perfect school for perfect people. So i shall leave a little guide at the bottom. Also that means you can skip the pages you don’t like. specifically my One Direction page. I know you. You’ll skip it.

Page 1. This page… i assume

Page 2. One Direction

Page 3. Freshly Pressed

Page 4. Tangents